Dream a Little Dream of Me
by Mrs Don Draper
Summary: Based on "Three Days Rule" when Marshall and Barney pretend to be Holli, a girl Ted meets at MacClaren's:  4x21 . Barney and Marshall try to figure out why they keep trying to sleep with Ted. Ted/Barney and Ted/Marshall.


"Oh, oh! Put that we're slooooooowly slipping out of our panti-," Barney begins to say.

Marshall and he chuckles as Marshall types in the text. They cannot believe how funny and clever they're being.

But then they look up at and realize just how that sounded.

"Dude, why do we keep trying to sleep with Ted?" asks Marshall, immediately dropping the phone to the table.

Barney tugs on his collar.

"I-I don't know. I mean, it's just a prank right?"

A beat.

"Tell me it's just a prank!" he panics.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just a prank. We're gonna tell him eventually, right? _Holli_ wants to sleep with Ted. Not us."

Barney feels the awkward silence seep in. He feels his pale cheeks flush as he imagines doing the things "Holli" has been texting him all evening. The lack of bra under her blouse. Ted naked and in his red cowboy boots, strutting around the apartment...Or maybe not strutting. Maybe he's in his room, on his bed, but wearing those boots. And maybe, maybe his feet are planted on the bed as he touches himself lower and lower until-

"Are you ok, Barney?"

Barney twitches as he's called back to reality.

"Wha? Yeah, fine, fine. You?"

"I'm great too."

Both of them are relieved when the phone alerts them to another texty text.

*\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/*

Later that night, when Ted has bid them a "good nite fair lady," Marshall climbs into bed with Lily. After a long day of thinking of sex with Ted-_strictly _as Holli though!-all he wants to do is have some cuddly time with his baby.

"Mmmm, night sweetie," she says, giving him a kiss before rolling over to be the little spoon.

Marshall snuggles in close and smell her pretty red hair. Like apples. He smiles as she drifts to sleep, thinking of picking apples with Lily one day when the leaves change into all their pretty colors. He can see himself holding Lily up to grab the reddest, juiciest apple from the top of the tree. She's so covered in branches that all he can feel is her warm body through her shirt and see her graceful arm reach for the prized fruit.

"Good job, Lil. It looks delicious!" he cheers.

He sets her down.

"Ted? What the hell are you doing here? I thought I was here with Lily," he sputters in confusion.

"I don't know dude. This is _your _dream."

"But-but why are you wearing _that?_"

Ted looked down at his outfit. Apparently Marshall's subconscious wanted to see him in one of Lily's negligees. A red and black one with a sweetheart bodice and, of course, bright red heels to match the red boa that lined his hem.

Ted shrugged.

"Not gotten laid in a while, Marshmallow?" teases Ted.

"Please don't say that," Marshall begs.

It's hard enough having to see him in a sexy outfit. He doesn't think he can quite handle hearing his pet name from Ted right now. He's already feeling flushed and his dream pants feeling more than a little snug. When Ted sees Marshall adjust his pants, he smiles and walks over to his best friend.

"This is a dream. You can do whatever you want to me," Ted whispers in his ear.

Which Marshall finds that to be impossible because for one, even with heels on, Ted is shorter and two he does _not_ want to have sex with Ted. It is then that he realizes Ted was able to whisper because now they're on a bed and Ted is straddling him.

"Apparently your mind wants this," Ted says matter-of-factly.

"Can't you just go, Ted, and I promise we'll tell real you tomorrow about how we pretended to be Holli, ok?"

Marshall's willing to promise almost anything at this point.

"Sorry bro, I have to do whatever your mind wants me to. And I hear what your saying, I really, really do, but I can't stop until real you wants me to," Ted explains.

Marshall can't think of anything to say, so he sighs. Dream Ted can't help but feel bad or him.

"I mean, you might as well enjoy this, right?" Ted says.

Because Marshall's subconscious is trying to help him justify why this is ok. Ted, in that tight, flattering corset and the cherry red heels, slips down his body. Ted unzips Marshall's pants, slowly, slooooowly drags them and his boxers down his legs. Ted locks eyes with Marshall for one brief moment before Ted ducks his head down and...

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP_.

Lily's alarm goes off.

*\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/*

Marshall and Barney meet at MacClaren's the next afternoon a little bit flustered, but at least this time they have Stan to help them out. Because it doesn't sound so bad when Stan comes up with these poetic lines of love and passion. Because now they can pretend to be Holli without feeling so bad. Because when Stan says it, it doesn't have to be real. But then Stan goes to work and they have to too. And even though they act like they're psyched for the next message, they just hope Ted kinda stops.

Ted sends another text.

"I probably shouldn't tell you this, I mean we barely know each other. But what the hell, I'll just say it...," Marshall reads the messages to Barney as they wait for the "I love you" they've been expecting, "I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend."

And of course, they argue.

"Look at you," Barney points. "A still-in-the-closet 80-year-old wouldn't be into that mess."

Marshall retorts that at least he's snugly and Barney wasn't.

"I'm cuddly, bitch," Marshall said. "Deal with it."

"Yeah, well, my body would rock Ted's world! I keep in shape, man!"

"So? Me and Ted have a history! I know what he likes. There are things I would do to him that would blow his mi-," Marshall stops himself.

An awkward silence sets in.

"Why do we keep trying to have sex with Ted?" Marshall asks.

"I don't know. But-but don't respond to it. We'll wait for _him _to tell _us_ what nasty dreams he's been having with me."

"You mean me? I'm his best friend, you know."

In the end, they decide to agree to disagree and let Ted answer for himself.

*\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/*

"Ted, Ted, in the future when the machines rise against humans, kill everyone and all that's left is you, me, and Barney. Which one of us would you, umm, get with?" Marshall asks tentatively.

Barney's more than a little ticked. Ted has no idea what he'd do to get Ted to say that he was his best friend. He can picture himself, right now, in front of everyone going under the bar table, in his $6000 suit, getting on his knees and...

"And why would want I to get with one of you?" Ted asks.

"The machines are forcing you," Barney squeaks, trying to keep his head out of the gutter.

And for the split second that Ted contemplate his answer, Marshall gets this urge to run his up Ted's leg just to get him to say Marshall so Barney thinks that's what his answer is.

But then Ted answers: "_Holli_."

The glass shatters. He knew.

*\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/* *\O/*

Barney and Marshall talk when they're the last ones at the bar.

"For what it's worth, it was fun while it lasted," Marshall says.

Barney holds the door open for Marshall, and their hands touch on the handle.

"Yeah, next time we'll let Ted chase after us," replies Barney.

They chuckle, but it's not really funny. They both just hope the sickening guilt and arousal goes away soon.

So much goes unspoken.

They walk their separate ways.


End file.
